13 December 2020

App / Streaming Service Review | Disney+ Revisited

Many of us wouldn’t have survived 2020 with our sanity intact without television, and in our house, more often than not, our TV screens are lit up by almost 8.3 million dazzling Disney+ pixels. When our BritBox subscription ends next month (we’ve finally finished Midsomer...), Disney+ will be the last streaming service standing. Here’s why.


Every positive comment I made in my late-March review still stands, but now I have a whole host more. The COVID-19 pandemic has forced businesses to evaluate their traditional practices, and in the case of Disney (and Warner Bros), it has forced a long-overdue divorce from traditional theatrical releases. With the quality of home entertainment setups and the price of popcorn/soft drink-combos both at an all-time high, it’s not surprising that many families would rather spend £49.99-£59.99 on an annual subscription to Disney+ than on a single trip to see a movie that perhaps only two out of four of them are actually all that bothered about seeing. In December alone, we’ve already enjoyed Noelle in stunning 4K HDR on a giant, Black Friday-bought QLED TV and Dolby Atmos sound system, with Godmothered pencilled in for next weekend’s slot. On top of that, Mulan has now escaped its short-lived paywall and, hopefully setting the trend for future blockbuster releases, Pixar’s Soul is set to drop on Christmas Day. 


Where I really get the value out of the service though is in shows like The Mandalorian and the final two seasons of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD, neither of which are available elsewhere in the UK. The Mandalorian, I’m sure, will form the basis of at least a couple of entire posts on here in due course, but for now suffice it to say that its second season is right up there amongst the finest media ever put out under a Star Wars banner, and Agents of SHIELD is now, after numerous ups and downs, as deserving of the same sort of plauditz as most of the movies that it shares a universe with. Season 7, with its time-travelling Agent Carter crossover and more playful tone has been especially enjoyable. Even the service’s Simpsons collection is now tantalisingly close* to being complete, with the recently-aired Season 31 now available to stream, much to my daughters’ delight, if not my wife’s. Just as importantly, viewers can now opt-out of watching the awful, 16:9 cropped versions of the earlier shows (the first twenty and a half seasons) and instead enjoy the original full-frame classics.


Just as importantly, many of my initial complaints have already been remedied. The inexplicably absent Star Wars Resistance debuted on the service not long after I posted my first review, with its second (and, mercifully, final) season following a few months later. Ever the awkward and capricious punter, my current complaint is that Star Wars Resistance is available on the service, sullying the Star Wars saga. Similarly, Frozen II soon appeared on the service - about a day and a half after I’d bought my girls the disc, irritatingly.


Some issues remain, of course. The we-don’t-trust-you-not-to-stretch-or-squash-the-image aspect-ratio lock (from the same people who brought you squished Simpsons...) remains in place on Smart TVs. However, with The Mandalorian occasionally straying into 16:9 IMAX territory, these days it’s not something I really want to be doing anymore – not than I really need to, either, positioned as I am less than a metre away from a colossal screen most of the time. In fact, my only major ongoing gripe is Disney’s ridiculous insistence on following every episode of every show with endless foreign language credits. On the one hand you’ve got Netflix practically running every episode of every series together into one mega-movie, with only the most fleeting of opportunities to jump ship back to reality, then on the other you have Disney+ inserting six minutes of silent credits in between four-minute shows. Needless to say, though, when our subscription comes up for renewal in March, we’ll certainly be keeping it going, even if next year we have to pay the full £59.99 (£1.15 per week). 


Of course, the continued success of streaming platforms, and Disney+ in particular, begs important questions about the future of home media releases and even the ongoing viability of cinemas. Both will endure, I hope, but in a dramatically reduced, perhaps even niche fashion. I for one would pay a small fortune to own some steel-clad UHDs containing The Mandalorian or the final season of The Clone Wars, but we’re unlikely to see such releases until Disney+ have reached that crucial tipping point where what they could make in disc sales to hardcore Star Wars nuts outweighs the service-selling benefits of exclusivity for the masses. Such a strategy has proven most lucrative for CBS with their recent Star Trek series, all of which are now available on Blu-ray. That point though, I think, is still a year or two away as The Mandalorian continues to be the service’s single-biggest draw (just as Star Trek: Discovery was for CBS All Access in the fourteen months prior to its eventual home video release) and is likely to be for quite some time yet as COVID-19 has delayed most of Disney’s other high-profile series and will no doubt also have an impact on disc manufacturing. In the same way, whilst I’d never feel the need to watch a Christmas comedy like Noelle on the silver screen (hilarious and surprisingly touching though it was), I’d still gladly pay for a seat to watch a new Star Wars or Marvel Studios movie, especially if it was in some arty, retro-style picture house of the type that I hope will thrive when the big boys go under. 

You can subscribe to Disney+ here for either £5.99 per month or £59.99 per year.

* Why won’t they just make “Stark Raving Dad” available? Hold onto your DVDs...

19 August 2020

Re-Awakening the Force #4 | Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope directed by George Lucas 4K Ultra-HD & Blu-ray Review


I was put off purchasing the 27-disc Skywalker Saga 4K box set released in April primarily because it looked like yet another cardboard collection of the sort that has all but killed mainstream physical media consumption, but also because my £49.99 Disney+ subscription already allows me to stream the saga’s nine episodes in 4K HDR. Stunningly crafted and über-collectible steelbooks, however, can still tempt even the most resolute of us digital media enthusiasts, and so when I received Zavvi’s Red Carpet invitation to pre-order the original Star Wars movie’s, it took only seconds for me to accept. 


Unlike previous Star Wars steelbooks, this one’s appearance has been perfectly tailored to the collectors’ market. Rather than commission new artwork, one of the movie’s original posters has been repurposed for the front cover, instantly evoking that electric, pre-special edition sense of nostalgia that many of us still associate with the original Star Wars. Just as pleasingly, the iconic Obi-Wan / Darth Vader duel forms the centrefold behind the set’s three discs (one 4K, two Blu-ray), while an equally redolent shot of C-3PO and Artoo in the Tantive IV’s gleaming white corridors brings up the rear. The spine’s text lines up perfectly with those of both The Empire Strikes Back and Return of Jedi steelbooks released to date, and even The Rise of Skywalker steelbook released earlier this year - but not The Last Jedi’s from 2018. However, all nine movies will be getting the movie-poster makeover treatment this year even if they’ve been released as steelbooks before. As well as being a sensible marketing move for Disney (who’d want to collect seven of nine movies?), this will be welcome news for those who missed out the first time around, as well as those like me who just can’t stand the annoying Blu-ray logo marring the spines of The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker (which has finally been replaced by the apposite 4K Ultra-HD logo on these new 2020 releases, as pictured below). 


The 4K presentation of the movie is, expectedly, much better than on Disney+, though the definition of “better” is very much in the eye of the beholder. The new 4K transfer is so sharp that the grain often threatens to overwhelm, and the clarity is such that the enhanced resolution detracts from the experience as much as it embellishes it. Visionary though he was, George Lucas did not intend Star Wars’ props and sets to stand up to 2160p home-video scrutiny. The 4K disc also boasts a Dolby ATMOS soundtrack, but as a result there is not enough room for either of the pre-existing audio commentaries on it. These are included within the set, fortunately, but they are buried on the movie’s Blu-ray disc which you’d otherwise be unlikely to touch. 


The biggest let-down with this release is its premeditated failure to be the definitive edition of what an alarming number of people now call “A New Hope”. Indeed, the extras package here has more in common with the vapid 2015 digital release than either of the movie’s big 21st-century physical releases, which is especially disappointing given how high-end a release this is. Whilst the set does import some of the bonus material from the 2011 Blu-ray release, and even presents it in a slightly more digestible manner, the infinitely better bonus material from the 2004 DVD release is nowhere to be seen. The omission of the flagship Empire of Dreams documentary is unforgiveable, as this is crying out for an HD or even 4K physical release, and leaving out The Characters of Star Wars; The Birth of Lightsaber; and The Force is with Them is scarcely more palatable. Even the more entertaining special features from 2011 have fallen by the wayside – the likes of Star Wars Spoofs and even the contemporary Making of Star Wars TV special from 1977 failed to make the cut this time around, whereas all the watch-once fillers like the pointlessly pictured-framed Lucasfilm Archives and even Anatomy of a Dewback made the grade. The inclusion of the latter is particularly infuriating as it only highlights the fact that the original cut of the film is both missing from this set and unlikely to be released commercially in the foreseeable future – if ever. Fortunately the priceless sixteen minutes’ worth of deleted scenes originally released in 2011 have been carried over, along with the much less welcome 2015 featurettes Conversations: Creating a Universe and Discoveries from Inside: Weapons and the First Lightsaber together with some nicely restored contemporary trailers. 


Yet despite the crippling flaws in its extras package and the inevitable exclusion of the original Star Wars cut, this release delivers full-force in the two areas that I needed it to, providing me with the highest-quality version of Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope [Fifth Special Edition] available and an absolutely staggering beautifully steelbook to house it in. Most people’s physical media collections may be dwindling, but targeted releases of this calibre should ensure that in time steelbooks become the movie connoisseur’s answer to vinyl.

08 June 2020

Rants | TUI UK Retail Limited and the Great COVID-19 Refund Scandal

The COVID-19 pandemic has brought out the best in many individuals and organisations. Inspirational acts of bravery, kindness and charity are now commonplace. From postal and delivery workers to front-line checkout and NHS staff, people and companies have really raised their game to support the nation. Exceptional has become the new standard. Mostly.

Unfortunately, some organisations have put the numbers before the optics, allowing short-term fear to destroy their reputations in the long-term. The pandemic has effectively brought the travel industry to its knees, and I was particularly mindful of this when it came to the cancellation of my family’s trip to Disneyland which was to have taken place from 29th March 2020 to 2nd April 2020.

As we had done on previous occasions, rather than book with Disney directly, we booked our trip through TUI at their Hull Superstore. The agent that we booked with was astoundingly hard-working and helpful; she went above and beyond anything that we could have expected to accommodate our (admittedly very specific) requirements. At that point we couldn’t have held TUI in higher esteem.

Due to the outbreak of COVID-19 our trip was – understandably – cancelled. On 19th March 2020 the Hull Superstore contacted us to say that as soon as a “cancellation invoice” had been received from Disneyland, our refund would be processed. The nation was locked down a few days later and we heard no more.

Under the Package Travel, Package Holidays and Package Tour Regulations 2018 (as amended) then a customer is entitled to a refund within 14 days of the cancellation (in this case 19th March 2020) in the original payment medium. This is a statutory right. However, given the COVID-19 crisis, I waited twice this long before telephoning TUI to chase up the matter, and, when I did, as their pre-recorded greeting advised that they were working through refunds in date order, I felt it best to let them get on with it rather than slow them down by making them field another call. The quality of service that we had received in the Hull Superstore was also at the forefront of my mind and so, despite my anxieties over the money, I resolved to be patient.

As I hadn’t heard anything further by 4th May 2020, I e-mailed the Hull Superstore to chase up our refund. I received an automatic response telling me that the office was closed, and so I called the number on TUI’s website and, after holding for almost an hour, spoke to someone who gave me the devastating news that nothing at all had been done to try and process our refund as the Hull Superstore had been temporarily closed and its staff furloughed. The lady I spoke to told me that as ours was a “third-party booking”, she would have to e-mail one of her colleagues in that team to chase Disneyland for a replacement cancellation invoice, as the original would have been sent to the closed store. Upon receipt of this, she assured me, a BACS payment would be sent immediately.

Several long, frustrating telephone calls later I spoke with a member of staff who, to my relief, immediately took ownership of the matter, even providing me with her direct e-mail address. Unfortunately her helpfulness was not matched by her colleague in third-party bookings and her manager, neither of whom provided the call backs that I had been promised.

It was only following my e-mail of 27th May 2020 requesting details of TUI’s complaints procedure that a manager called me to advise that he had obtained a cancellation invoice from Disneyland. He told me that it was “a two-minute job” for the Finance Team to issue the refund, and that they had already “processed 23,000 refunds”, but he had to send a BACS form to them and it could take up to seven days for them to issue the refund. Not ideal by any means, but reasonable in the circumstances.

The refund did not materialise, though, and so I e-mailed for an update only to find that the manager had misrepresented the position to me when we spoke – the e-mail reply that I received stated that not only would it take the Finance Team an unreasonable “4-6 weeks” to issue our refund, but the manager had yet to even complete the BACS form and send it to them to start that clock ticking. Despite TUI’s admitted failure to even make a defensible attempt to process our refund until late May, they refused to swiftly remedy the situation. I work in the legal sector, and were I or the firm that I work for to fail a client so badly, we would do everything in our power to remedy the situation as soon as possible, and in this case, by the manager’s own admission, the resolution would take someone all of two minutes to execute!

Accordingly, a formal complaint has been made to TUI along with another to ABTA. Trading Standards have also been alerted to the situation.

Were I to hold client money for 82 days following the completion or cancellation of a matter, I’d probably end up being struck off and my principals would face possibly an even bleaker fate. Surely it is now the time for the government to look at imposing such strict regulation on the travel sector to prevent the sort of business practices that I have personally experienced from TUI, and that it seems many others are experiencing too – some of them in extreme financial hardship due to the COVID-19 crisis. Of course, our government is failing us at every turn in matters of life and death, and so it’s perhaps unsurprising that it is also failing us on comparatively paltry matters.

If, like us, you were amongst the first to be affected but have not yet been refunded, then my advice is do not be patient - you will only be punished for it by being put to the back of the queue, if you are lucky enough to be in it all. The more noise we all make, the sooner we will have our hard-earned cash back.

Once you have their money, you never give it back.
- The First Ferengi Rule of Acquisition

Update - 25th June 2020
Neither TUI nor ABTA responded to me within the promised timescales (14 days for TUI’s Complaints Team, 28 days for ABTA) and so I wrote to our local MP, Rt Hon David Davis.

Fortunately I’m a practising lawyer – albeit a furloughed one – and have no qualms about pursuing the matter through the small claims court as a litigant in person if need be. However, doing so, particularly in the current crisis, is likely to take even longer than the six weeks from whenever the manager I spoke to deigns to complete a BACS form, to say nothing of the court fees involved, and so for now all I can do is prepare a letter of claim in accordance with the Pre-action Protocol for Resolution of Package Travel Claims and ask TUI to nominate solicitors to accept service of proceedings in the (likely) event that my letter of claim goes unacknowledged within the prescribed period.

Update - 1st July 2020
The refund arrived in my bank account this morning (1st July 2020, 104 days on from the cancellation of our holiday and, suspiciously, just outside TUI’s painful second quarter) without any word at all from TUI, let alone a word of apology. I don’t plan to issue court proceedings to claim the 63p interest that I’ve calculated we’re owed, but, needless to say, TUI have lost my custom - and hopefully anyone else’s who reads this post or speaks to me about them.

Update - 7th July 2020
Rt Hon David Davis has been in touch with me to advise that he has now raised this issue with TUI’s chief executive. Hopefully this will help those still waiting for their money back.

16 April 2020

Crisis on Infinite Platforms (or, "A Plot to Watch Crisis on Infinite Earths") - UPDATED

It’s the end... of the worlds. Or it certainly feels like it if you’re living in the UK, four months on from the conclusion of Crisis on Infinite Earths on the CW, yet still at least five weeks away from being able to watch it yourself. However, now that Batwoman has finally premiered in the UK on E4, we can at least put together a multi-platform plan on how we’re going to watch it – a plan made needlessly complex by NOW TV’s terribly timed pulling of Arrow’s final season and the question mark hanging over its Blu-ray release.

At the time of writing, Supergirl’s opening hour of the crossover (originally broadcast on 8th December last year in the US!) is available to stream on NOW TV until 15th July 2020 along with the other episodes of the fifth season that have dropped in the UK so far (and, I suspect, those still to drop between now and then). A NOW TV Entertainment Pass costs £8.99 per month and you can sign up for a week’s free trial here. However, I would strongly recommend purchasing a two-month Entertainment Pass from Currys instead as, at just £10.00, it offers much better value than NOW TV does directly, and, locked down as we are, two months will probably give you enough time to catch up on all of this season’s Arrowverse episodes broadcast to date in addition to its centrepiece Crisis.

Above: Batwoman takes us back to Smallville

After the first part, though, things get much trickier. The second hour should air on E4 on Sunday 24th May 2020 as part of Batwoman’s first season. This hasn’t been confirmed by the channel yet, but the one positive in E4’s habitual holding back of DC content is that when they do eventually air their shows, it’s typically without any breaks in transmission. Batwoman episodes generally drop on the free All 4 catch-up service shortly after the live broadcast, albeit with several ad breaks. For those like me who simply can’t tolerate commercials, iTunes generally make Batwoman episodes available to download or stream in 1080p HD the day after their UK transmission for just £2.49 (or as part of a £19.99 season pass).

Above: Flash of Two Worlds... The DCEU's Flash meets his Earth-1 counterpart

As with Supergirl, The Flash’s third part of Crisis is already available to stream on NOW TV and is scheduled to remain there until 30th July 2020 alongside the season’s other UK-broadcast episodes (1-11 at the time of writing). However, by the time that Batwoman’s Crisis episode airs, Arrow’s will have been pulled from NOW TV. It might not, of course – last year I rushed through Supergirl’s last clutch of episodes as the NOW TV website announced that were only available until a certain date, only to find that they hung around for much longer. Nonetheless, we can’t rely on NOW TV to continue to make the fourth episode available if, as I suspect, other factors are forcing them to pull it. Once such factor is the season’s Region B Blu-ray release, which is slated for 25th May 2020 according to Amazon, who have it available to pre-order for £30.00. Unfortunately the Amazon listing is silent as to whether the Blu-ray will include all five episodes of Crisis on Infinite Earths, as the Region A release does, but if not we should at least be able to get our hands on the Arrow instalment on Blu-ray disc, which is certainly my plan as a collector of Arrow seasons. However, for those just in it for the Crisis, iTunes have already made the episode available to download or stream in 1080p HD for just £2.49. Unfortunately the full season pass includes only the Arrow instalment.

Above: Kevin Conroy's iconic take on the Caped Crusader takes a live-action turn

The fifth and final episode of Crisis on Infinite Earths, which nominally opens DC’s Legends of Tomorrow’s fifth season, is already available on NOW TV and should remain there until 1st August 2020. At the time of writing it is only accompanied by the season’s second episode.

Above: Black Lightning's back... and so is Earth-90's original Flash

The cheapest way to enjoy Crisis on Infinite Earths in the UK is therefore to wait until the Batwoman instalment drops (for free) on All4, get yourself an £8.99 one-month NOW TV Entertainment pass and purchase “Crisis on Infinite Earths, Pt. Four” from the iTunes Store – a grand total of just £11.48. Another £1.01 would get you a two-month NOW TV pass from Currys. Another £2.49 (£14.98 all told) would enable you to avoid ads, whereas another £35.00 on top of that (£49.98 in all) would get you digital season passes for Batwoman’s first season and Arrow’s final one. If the Arrow Season 8 Blu-ray matches its US counterpart for content, then £30.00 will get you all five episodes to keep forever in the best available quality, but this has not yet been confirmed.


It’s come to something when you need to be a superhero just to be able to work out how you’re going to watch your favourite superhero shows, but at last, the end (of the worlds!) is in sight.

Update - 10th May 2020
The NOW TV iOS apps allow you to download programmes to watch within thirty days - even those like Arrow that are leaving the service within those thirty days. If you’re content to watch on an iPad screen, you should download Arrow’s Crisis hour before it leaves NOW TV on 14th May 2020.


Update - 25th May 2020
The adventure continues.

For reasons known only to them, E4 have stated that they will air the Batwoman episode of Crisis on Infinite Earths at the end of the season later this summer. If you to try to stream what is erroneously labelled as “Season 1, Episode 9” on All4 you will in fact get Season 1, Episode 10 - “How Queer Everything is Today!” This comes as a particularly nasty shock if you try to stream it via the Apple TV app, which pulls some of its metadata from Apple rather than E4.

Above: E4 show that they can mishandle a crisis as well as the UK government

The silver living is that the iTunes Store have made the episode available to stream and download for just £2.49 as expected, meaning that us UK viewers won’t have to regress two formats to standard-definition DVD to be able to enjoy the complete, high-definition Crisis - provided that they get the Batwoman episode downloaded before Apple realise that they’ve made the “wrong” episode available (“How Queer Everything is Today!” has not dropped as it should have).

For those not troubled by picture and sound quality, a DVD containing all five episodes is being released today. You can order it from Amazon for £6.99. There’s no Blu-ray, frustratingly.

Finally, both Warner Brothers’ and Amazon’s updated product information for the Arrow Season 8 Blu-ray suggests that the box set (also released today) does not contain the Crisis on Infinite Earths bonus disc. Despite one hopeful reviewer’s comments (who posted his musings a month before the release date), the set is slated to contain just two discs (not three) and only ten episodes (not fourteen). I can confirm though that the NOW TV app is letting me watch the episodes of Arrow that I downloaded prior to them being removed from the service.

26 March 2020

App / Streaming Service Review | Disney+


As the peculiar sort of person who likes to curate his own media library, rather than just enjoy someone else’s, I’m a reluctant on/off subscriber to various video-on-demand services. At the moment I have both Amazon Prime Video and Netflix temporarily on the go (as Star Trek: Picard and Better Call Saul are both still dropping new episodes on a weekly basis), while BritBox is likely to remain an ongoing commitment for the foreseeable future as the missus and I continue to explore Britain’s most dangerous county. With Disney+, though, I took the unprecedented step of Forkying out for an annual pass before the platform even went live. A quick crunch of the numbers showed me that I’d be paying just 96p per week for the service, and even looking at the £49.99 pre-order price as a one-off disbursement, it amounts to just a quarter of the cost of the soon-to-be-released Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga 4K UHD box set - and that’s before I factor in the cost of movies for the kids like Frozen II and Onward that I anticipate shelling out for in the next twelve months (having already blown about forty quid on each of them at the cinema). In short, at this price, Disney+ is an absolute steal.


Just take a moment to consider the wealth and depth of proven content on offer here. As things stand, Star Wars fans will find the latest drafts of every movie bar The Rise of Skywalker on here, not to mention three of the franchise’s four canonical spin-off series and the definitive 2004 DVD documentary, Empire of Dreams, finally presented in stunning HD. Almost* thirty seasons of The Simpsons – a staggering 678 episodes, of which I’ve probably only seen about a third – find themselves competing with most of the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s theatrical releases (the record-breaking blockbuster Avengers: Endgame amongst them) as well as a handful of the (non-Netflix, non-Prime) spin-off TV shows, including the dazzling Agent Carter, which has been my most pleasing discovery on the service so far. As expected, Disney’s flagship library of animated classics and Pixar productions is also available on demand. Even if, like us, you already own much of this content, your kids will probably delight in sifting through the library to unearth hidden gems like the various Toy Story Toons (the all-new exclusive Lamp Life is a cracker); the later seasons of Sofia the First; and the Tangled TV series, all of which are difficult – if not impossible – to get hold of legally in the UK.


Above: Disney+ on an iPhone
Better still, in addition to welcome surprises from classics like the Macauley Culkin Home Alone movies and Mrs Doubtfire, Disney’s recent acquisition of Twentieth Century Fox means that many of the X-Men movies can also be found under the “Marvel” tab along with their popular animated series and, indeed, Spider-Man’s, amongst many others. Sadly the webslinger’s stand-alone MCU movies are nowhere to be found on the service, though this is both unsurprising and even forgiveable given the tortuous complexity of the relationship between Marvel and Sony. We’re lucky to have an MCU Spider-Man at all.

The streaming quality is also top-notch, with many of the movies presented in 4K HDR – some for the first time, and many with 5.1 - 7.1 surround sound mixes. Unlike some of their competitors (here’s looking at you, Prime), Disney+ also allows you to download any of its content to mobile devices, and at a level of quality that far exceeds any of their rivals. On the highest quality setting, a 22-minute episode of The Simpsons weighs in at a hefty 725MB, although, crucially for those whose devices are running low on storage, the range of settings can reduce this to a Prime-like low of 142MB. Moreover, four-screens-at-once is the platform’s standard - there are no Netflix-style “basic” plans. As Lenny Henry would probably say if they got him on board, everything’s premium but the price. At least at launch, you have just two payment choices: £5.99 per month, or £59.99 per year. The service itself remains the same whichever you choose.


Nonetheless, in keeping with the bleakness of the times, my initial reaction to Disney+ has been one of intense disappointment – almost to the extent of feeling that I’ve been had. Even when faced with such an abundance of riches, my inclination is always to look for what’s missing, and even the most cursory of searches was quick to reveal that UK subscribers have been shortchanged with a diluted version of what is available Stateside and in other territories. In my case, half the stuff that I signed up to watch is absent. The first thing that I searched for – Frozen II – is unavailable until July, despite being made available early in other territories to raise the spirits of those self-isolating due to the COVID-19 outbreak. The last time that I checked – and, believe me, I stare longingly at those invisible bars in the window often – the UK was in lockdown too.

Above: Inexplicably missing in action - Kazuda Xiono and company

Another devastating omission is Star Wars: Resistance, which has yet to even be released digitally in the UK, let alone get a Blu-ray release, while Disney+ manages the impressive feat of having every single episode of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD available to stream – except those that I haven’t seen yet. I had even hoped that, given the Twentieth Century Fox buyout, more adult-oriented shows the likes of 24 and The X-Files would have found their way onto the service but, alas, The Simpsons is about as edgy as it gets – at least for now.


However, to even get to the stage of even being able to search for something to watch, I had to log in, which was easier said than done on the Samsung TV app as it omits the £ character from its keyboard. This is all fine and good – unless your password happens to have a quid in it. Fortunately, the Siri-controlled Apple TV app had the decency to let me enter my (since changed) password, and unlike the Samsung app, it is buoyed by some lovely animation effects when highlighting any of landing screen’s showcase tabs (Disney, Pixar, Marvel, Star Wars etc). As expected, though, the device’s double-tap zoom function has been overridden, meaning that you can only view content in its intended aspect ratio (or in the case of The Simpsons’ first twenty and a half seasons, a retrospectively cropped one), which is rarely one that matches the shape of your TV. Both flagship Star Wars shows – The Mandalorian and Star Wars: The Clone Wars – are presented in 2.35:1 or something very close to it. Most viewers won’t care, and, to be fair, even I like to watch Star Wars TV shows in their native widescreen (as it gives the illusion of that distinct yet unquantifiable Star Wars experience), but I’m a still champion of choice and customisation, and not having the ability to blow up “Baby Yoda” irks me no end.


By far the most annoying feature of the platform though is its refusal to adopt the Netflix-style nosedive into the next episode of a TV series. Again, this doesn’t bother me when I’m watching – I actually really enjoy watching The Mandalorian’s gorgeous closing titles – but it does affect me in that, if my three-year-old watches an episode of LEGO Frozen: Northern Lights, she then has to sit through not only its end credits, but also various foreign languages credits that roll silently, which together amount to almost the length of the episode again. It’s perhaps an exaggeration to say that the whole point of Disney+ is to parent your children for you, but when I’m trying to work remotely it really would help if I could leave the room for more than five minutes at a time.

Above: Disney+ on an iPad

As I’m in it for the long haul with Disney+, the decision to hold back episodes of The Mandalorian and The Clone Wars to drop weekly doesn’t enrage me as much as it would were I up to my usual hit-and-run antics. Again though, I lament the lack of control – provide the damned content and let us decide how to consume it for ourselves, please. As someone who much prefers to binge-watch a series and then move onto the next, Disney+’s ’90s-style approach to content distribution is wreaking absolute havoc with my viewing habits. It’s not easy flitting between Saul, Picard and two different eras of Star Wars.

Above: Disney allow American families some fun and joy during this challenging period, but obviously not their insignificant UK customers

I should have been going to Disneyland this coming weekend but, instead, I’m delving into Disney’s vast multimedia archive with children aged three and eight. Whilst not what we’d planned, it’s at least taken the edge off what will no doubt prove to be the first of 2020’s many blows. Far from exhaustive and far from perfect, Disney+’s vast library of proven titles nonetheless leaves it second only to Netflix in the pantheon of streaming giants. For day one, that’s not a bad result, but Disney+ must still do much better for UK subscribers if they intend to keep them.

Click here to start your seven-day free trial. Prices afterwards are as described above.  

* The brilliant Season 3 premiere, “Stark Raving Dad” is not available.

21 March 2020

TV Review | Doctor Who: “Ascension of the Cybermen” & “The Timeless Children” by Chris Chibnall


There are two sides to this year’s spectacular and subversive Doctor Who season finale, as betrayed by writer Chris Chibnall’s reversion to individual episode titles. “Ascension of the Cybermen” is a slick and sinister Cyber-story the like of which we haven’t seen since Earthshock, while “The Timeless Children” is a conceptually grand but ultimately intimate exploration of the Doctor’s mysterious past and how it has shaped her relationship with her best enemy. Each storyline is, in of itself, deserving of a season-finale slot. Together, though, the resultant mess becomes somehow less than the sum of its incredible parts.

“The Cybermen were defeated. The victors of a billion battles broken. But that which is dead can live again – in the hands of a believer.” 


Since their debut on the eve of the series’ first regeneration, the Cybermen have, more often than not, been portrayed as a spent force. Until very recently, one greyscale invasion and an upstaged army of ghosts were the closest that we’d come to seeing them at the height of their powers, yet all the while whispers of famed but distant Cyber Wars fired viewers’ imaginations. “Ascension of the Cybermen”, in contrast, is a long overdue love letter to every fan who endured Revenge of the Cybermen purely on the strength of its talk of glories past. Striking a perfect balance between brazen fan service and the breaking of new ground, this season’s penultimate episode finally delivers the sort of dominant Cyber-race that has only ever really lived in our minds’ eyes. It does so, though, in the most improbable of ways as this resurgent Cyber-force’s leader is a terrifying zealot who rages against his own biological existence as vehemently as he does his enemies’.


“A Cyberman that makes other Cybermen scream,” Ashad is one of the series’ most imposing antagonists in recent memory. Indeed, the so-called Lone Cyberman seems to have the same sort of potential as Davros, the creator of the Daleks, with whom he has so much in common. The anger and passion that fuel Ashad are the very un-Cyberman-like qualities that he seeks to purge, and his apparent insight into this incongruity only makes him even more unhinged. Patrick O’Kane is relentlessly intense in his portrayal of the half-man, half-Cyberman; every line that he delivers is dripping with liquid metal angst that blows last season’s de facto big bad - fellow big shouty dude Tim Shaw - out of the water.


It helps, of course, that Ashad is not the “Lone Cyberman” anymore – in fact, he’s backed up by the sort of season-finale-ordinance poor old Tim Shaw could only dream of. The Cyber-drones – essentially flying, shooty Cyber-heads – work surprisingly excellently, while the beautifully designed Cyber-shuttles and Cyber-carriers finally give the Cybermen a consistent and appropriately functional aesthetic. The unexpected return of the sixth-season Cybermen, rebranded as “Cyber-warriors” here in the Doctor Who equivalent of Star Trek: Enterprise’s Klingon forehead retcon, is also a particularly lovely treat for seasoned viewers, not to mention a testament to the quality of The Invasion Cybermen’s basic design. Best of all though, director Jamie Magnus Stone uses these extraordinary gifts of the script to present a fittingly bleak and unremittingly exciting visual and auditory experience that’s capable of holding its own against many fully-fledged features.


However, “Ascension of the Cybermen” causes as many continuity conundrums as it solves, and worse still it is undermined by its subservience to “The Timeless Children”, which compromises both its structure and its integrity. Chibnall’s fan-pleasing attempts to unify the classic series’ Cybermen with their modern counterparts are blighted by comparatively easy-to-avoid gaffes about gold, outward inconsistencies with much more recent adventures and even a peculiarly protective Doctor. The latter is, perhaps, justifiable, given Bill’s fate in “World Enough and Time”, but what happened to the Doctor’s previous companion isn’t even hinted at, let alone acknowledged, leaving many viewers to ponder why the Doctor is behaving so out of character.



Even more jarringly, the need to divide the story into two neat parts for transmission leaves “Ascension of the Cybermen” carrying the entirety of the two-parter’s dreamlike flashbacks. This ill-fitting Irish sub-plot never intersects with the main action at all, and as such viewers are more likely to infer a connection between Ashad and Brendan the policeman, the thread’s seemingly immortal protagonist, than they are to grasp the truth of it. Rather than build suspense, this only serves to make the Lone Cyberman’s unsatisfyingly stunted end in “The Timeless Children” even more disappointing - the audience is left lamenting the closing down of possibilities both going forward and flashing back. By the time that “The Timeless Children” finally does address the question of these Brendan “glitches”, the audience needs a clip or two to (a) remind them of him; and (b) make it plain that the Doctor was also experiencing what we were at home, which was far from clear in “Ascension of the Cybermen”. Watching the two episodes back-to-back doesn’t even help matters, as this garda plotline peaks far too early in the overall narrative. The whole affair would have flowed more naturally had these segments been spread out across the two parts, reaching their climax a scene or two prior to the Master’s “Timeless Children” bombshell.

“Be afraid, Doctor, because everything is about to change. Forever.”

But with a running time that eclipses those of most of the series’ festive specials, “The Timeless Children” is already full to bursting. In what feels like an over-the-top apology for not providing the audience with a proper finale in 2018, here Chibnall delivers a scintillating climax that doesn’t just pay off a season’s worth of build-up, or even two seasons’ worth, but follows through on an alluring idea that has been bubbling away in the background since the dying days of the series’ original run, if not the early Tom Baker years. Chibnall’s byzantine tale blows Gallifreyan history wide open, not to mention what little we know of the Doctor’s own personal history, and as if that weren’t enough it takes the Cybermen and turns them into the new lords of time – pomp and all. The image of a Cyberman, decked out in customary high-collared Time Lord regalia, regenerating, is one that will endure for decades to come. “The Timeless Children” is thus a rare example of television capable of keeping you perched uncomfortably on the edge of your seat for over an hour, fists clenched and heart in your mouth as its unyielding precision of powerful imagery and game-changing revelations hold you rapt – whether you like them or not.


Having spent almost sixty years with the Doctor, the Who in Doctor Who has long since lost its lustre; even the retrospective insertion of John Hurt’s time warrior between the supposed eighth and ninth Doctors only served to lift the veil on the once beautifully shadowy Time War. Yet in the late 1980s, when producer John Nathan-Turner and script editor Andrew Cartmel decided to imbue Sylvester McCoy’s Doctor with the mystery that had, by that time, been lost in a precession of Gallifreyan runarounds and meetings with the Doctor’s old mentors and school chums, they did so by ingeniously hinting at a time before the Doctor became the Doctor – a life back in the Dark Times, the so-called Time of Chaos, before Omega’s supernova and Rassilon’s tyranny. The series’ cancellation unfortunately killed this promising arc before it ever really got moving, though Virgin’s long-running range of New Adventures novels did run with it to what felt like its natural conclusion in Marc Platt’s seminal Lungbarrow, in which the idea of this ‘Other’ Doctor finally crystallised.


In many respects, “The Timeless Children” goes ever further than even Lungbarrow dared to. Here, not only does Chibnall posit that the Doctor lived at least eight lifetimes prior to the childhood that she remembers, but he also has the Master claim that she was the biological key that turned the ancient Gallifreyans into lords of time. Far from being the child of Gallifrey that she’s always believed herself to be, here the Doctor discovers that she was in fact discovered aeons ago by Tecteun, a Shobogan explorer, who, upon discovering her ability to renew her physical form when mortally wounded, studied her and eventually learned how to graft her unnatural abilities onto Gallifreyan DNA. As Omega’s time travel experiments gave the Shobogans mastery over time, Tecteun’s discoveries offered them near immortality through bodily regeneration. Chibnall doesn’t merely cast the Doctor as the third shadowy member of an ancient Gallifreyan ruling triumvirate, then – he has her as the mother of all Time Lords. Suddenly, questions on everything from the Doctor’s past deeds to her very origins burn as hot as they ever did. For the first time in fifty years, even the Doctor’s species is couched in mystery, tempting to viewers to re-evaluate everything they know about the Time Lord – or thought they knew. Could the Doctor be half-human as the eighth Doctor once claimed? Just whose granddaughter is Susan – the Doctor’s, or one of her forgotten pre-Doctor selves?


Crucially, Chibnall’s story works hard to preserve the intrigue that it creates. Perhaps its greatest strength is in how deals with the circumstances concerning the Timeless Child’s rebirth as the first Doctor – or, rather, how it doesn’t. All “The Timeless Children” tells us is that the Timeless Child was eventually inducted into a clandestine Time Lord organisation referred to as “the Division” - a devilishly clever name that speaks as much to the line between the Timeless Child and the Doctor as much as it does this secret agency in which the would-be Doctor apparently found herself employed. With all details of the Division redacted from the Matrix, and the Time Lords and their Citadel in ruins, the mystery of the Doctor is once again aflame – at least for now.



As pleased as I was to see Jo Martin reprise her Doctor from “Fugitive of the Judoon”, its purpose was plainly to remind us of both her existence and her apparent work for a covert Time Lord agency. Moreover, Chibnall has openly spoken about having sown the seeds of his third season in this current run, and so if he isn’t building towards a big “Doctors vs Division” angle next season, I’ll be damned. I’ll reserve judgement until I see it play out, of course, but from this vantage point I can’t really see how such a storyline could do anything but degrade the mysteries that this season has so carefully cultivated, in the process probably saddling us with an awkward-to-explain incarnation who zips about space and time in a police box-shaped TARDIS (long before it ever got stuck in that shape) and calls herself the Doctor (without ever living up to the promise). I don’t know about you, but I’m in love with Matt Smith’s speech in “The Name of the Doctor” about how the name you choose is like a promise you make and, clearly, any “Doctor” employed by the Division is not worthy of the title. Martin’s Doctor would be better left unexplained, allowing those of us who like to imagine her as a reluctant post-Troughton, pre-Pertwee CIA operative to do so, while still leaving the issue ambiguous for those untroubled by such finicky concepts as TARDIS camouflage and nominative determinism.


Of course, as epic and as astonishing as “The Timeless Children”’s infodump is, in the end it is really just the preamble for this episode’s events. Chibnall’s story is as much about the Master’s present as it is the Doctor’s past, and Sacha Dhawan never lets you forget it. The Doctor’s oldest adversary has always had a flair for the dramatic and penchant for anarchy, but it’s rare to see him vested with the purpose that he is here. It’s as if his discoveries have vindicated his hatred for his old nemesis – he’s at once delighted and tormented, scheming and suicidal; torn between a desire to survive and conquer, and an impossible-to-resist impulse to just burn it all down. More than anything else, the Master has always been a self-serving creature – “Survival. It’s what he lives for,” Sylvester McCoy once purred – and so to see him genuinely disinterested in the continuation of his own existence is tremendously sobering, and more than a little disturbing. For me, it sums up the magnitude of his attachment to the Doctor far more brilliantly than even Missy’s redemption arc did.


Jodie Whittaker is Dhawan’s equal throughout, bringing unprecedented gravity to her performance as the show builds towards its most triumphant moment since “The Day of the Doctor”. In a move redolent of the final Star Wars movie, Segun Akinola breaks all the rules as he lets the series’ signature theme soar in the main body of an episode as the Doctor broadcasts her memories to break out of the Matrix. To all of those hung up on no longer being able to call the Doctor’s incarnations by numbers long since rendered redundant (I’m really going to have to start capitalising them as they’ve become names in their own right), I’d urge them to watch this scene: the whole point of it, of the whole episode in fact, is that it doesn’t matter who the Doctor was or where she came from. All that matters is who she is, what she believes in and what she does. All we ever have is now.


Up against such staggering performances, you could be forgiven for expecting this story’s supporting players to be lost in the background but, to the credit of both the actors and the script, their characters shine almost as brightly as the two sharing centre stage. Game of Thrones veteran Ian McElhinney is particularly effective as the portal’s ferryman, Ko Sharmus, who, in contrast to his quasi-biblical countenance, twinkles with amiable mischief throughout. Meanwhile, Bradley Walsh and Mandip Gill are every bit as impressive as Graham and Yas. This two-parter finally sees the two companions shine as they prove to the Doctor, and to themselves, that they can do it all without her. Happily though, Chibnall stops short of pairing off Graham with Julie Graham’s Ravio – the fam might be left behind, but we’ve certainly not seen the last of them.


You’ve got to admire a showrunner who’s prepared to be as bold as his 1960s predecessors. As the series’ fiftieth anniversary loomed large, while many of us sweated about a twelfth white man throwing out the precious numbering of the Doctor’s incarnations, Chibnall was dreaming up multitudes that we wouldn’t have ever conceived of. A brief sequence in “The Timeless Children” sees the Doctor go through more regenerations than in the series’ initial twenty-six-year run, and believe it or not, these are just a prelude to the story’s real twist. Inevitably, many won’t be able to accept what’s been done to the history of the Doctor; many more in the audience won’t even be able to fathom it. Some won’t even care. Some of us, though, have been waiting for a shot in the arm like this for decades. As a two-part tale, “Ascension of the Cybermen” and “The Timeless Children” is an awkward melting pot of ideas that’s more Rise of Skywalker than it is Lungbarrow, but it’s nonetheless the best thing that’s happened to the series since John Hurt showed up attempting to justify genocide in that lovely, gravelly voice of his. The status quo might have been changed, but we should always remember that in Doctor Who, there’s no such thing. 

Doctor Who is available to stream for the foreseeable future on BBC iPlayer. A season pass comprising all ten episodes of the season in 1080p HD and bonus material is also available from iTunes for £20.99, with episodes typically becoming available the day after their transmission on BBC 1. A Blu-ray steelbook, which will also include the special “Resolution”, is also available to pre-order from Amazon for £49.99.



http://www.doctorwhoreviews.altervista.org/Cyberman.htm
Available to download for £7.96 here.

http://www.doctorwhoreviews.altervista.org/Cyberman%202.htm
Available to download for £14.99 here.
Alternatively, a box set of both series is available to download for £19.99 here.

http://www.doctorwhoreviews.altervista.org/NA60.htm
Available to read for free here (with a lot of clicking) on this cached BBCi website. Paperback copies are frequently sold on eBay to those willing to fund their purchase through remortgaging.